Admittedly, I’ve spent the last 24 hours conditioning my body to survive on Beyonce’s new album rather than oxygen. So much fierceness going on has me feeling like a badass – the way most humans should when listening to B.
Of course, I made the mistake of looking at the Internet and trying to read everything about the new album and Beyonce Knowles and Houston, Texas and what other miracles occurred in 1981 (the answer: no other miracles occurred in 1981 aside from her birth.) I should stop waxing poetic about SLAYonce and get around to the point of this: there appears to be this huge debate about if she’s a feminist like she claims to be. And if she is a feminist, is she a good one or a bad one?
In the past, I’ve always been perturbed by women who were absolutely feminists but didn’t want to call themselves that. It’s a loaded word. It carries a lot of shitty connotations. And for the first time today, I really saw that in an unexpected way. Feminists hating other feminists for not being feminist enough or not being the right kind of feminist. Yeah, that’s right, women evaluating other women who have the same basic goals for women on their dedication, their adherence, their commitment to these incredibly individualized, black-and-white definitions of what feminism is. (Of course, there is a general, over-arching definition but people have their own little nuances is what I’m saying.)
I have my own idea of what feminism is. My definition is a goddamn beautiful, unique snowflake. I know this because Sarah Palin identifies as a feminist – there simply is no one exact definition of feminism.
So when women start attacking other women because someone doesn’t fit a subjective idea of feminism? Fuck that. I mean, I feel like the general idea behind this is…
Patriarchy: Hey! Aren’t you a woman? You can’t do that!
Feminists: Hey! Don’t fucking tell me what to do. I am a person and you can’t dictate what I can and cannot do.
And yet…I seem to be hearing/reading a lot of…
Feminists: Hey! Aren’t you a feminist? Oh, you can’t do that!
Feminists: Hey! Don’t fucking tell me what to do.
Weird, right?
People are complaining that Beyonce’s latest tour is called The Mrs. Carter Tour. (I’m not even close to an expert on race, but I know that the name of this tour carries weight among the black female community. Please see the Internet for more intelligent information on this subject.) I’m mostly pissed because women on the Internet are having a conniption simply because she’s identifying with her husband’s name. God forbid a woman loves her husband, is pompous about being married to a great guy and wants to show that shit off. I don’t see that as a declaration of “Check it out, this man owns me! What even is my name? I guess it’s Mrs. now,” but rather a proclamation of “DUDE I FUCKING MARRIED JAY-Z. HOW FUCKING COOL IS THAT. I AM UNSTOPPABLE. I WILL DO WHATEVER I WANT.”
“Are you a good feminist or a bad feminist?”
At this point, as a feminist, I’m disgruntled. I don’t know why women are spending time bad-mouthing each other for “not being a good enough feminist”. Last I checked, rape seems to have become some sort of weird hobby in the world. Like it’s just something that happens and the general response seems to be, “Ah…that sucks. Drink less? Wear pants? Chain yourself up in a cage like a werewolf? That’s what my grandma sent to me in a chain letter.” Are we just not worried about that?
People are also generally really worried about Miley Cyrus and her sexualization. Here’s the thing, I have absolutely no issue with twerking, with wearing barely there onesies, with riding around on a wrecking ball completely naked. You want to do it, girl, do it. But right there, that’s what’s important. YOU WANT TO DO IT? GIRL, DO IT IF YOU WANT WANT TO DO IT. If you feel pressured to do it, if you feel that your worth is based on how controversial and sexy you can be, don’t do it. And that’s a blurred line (mother fuck, I didn’t mean to use that phrase). It’s a grey area.
At this point, who even knows what they want? What they organically, inherently want? Do I want a new pair of jeans because I, with no outside factors influencing me, want them? Who fucking knows. We live in an age where we’re told what we want, what we like, what we need. So at this point, Miley, if you feel secure in that you want to ride a big wrecking ball naked? Do it.
I’m getting in deep with this. As I write this, questions are coming up that I could spend days pondering.
1. I don’t want guys to look at me like they’re allowed to. Like they have the right to assess how I look. Like I’m a work of art designed to elicit emotions and feelings and thoughts. But at the same time, I buy clothes that look good on me. I make my face look good. Sometimes I walk with a sway in my hips. Sometimes I want a guy to look at me appreciatively. Sometimes, I go out with the hope of a guy trying to chat me up.
Am I a bad feminist?
2. I have a job. I make money, I can handle my finances. I can afford to buy dinner for myself on a date. I can afford to buy dinner for myself and him on a date. I don’t need a man to pay for my food. But I think it’s nice when he offers. I’ll let him if he offers. If he wants to woo me and show me that he’s a capable provider, who am I to say no?
Am I a bad feminist?
3. I think it’s important that women grow up with positive examples of strong, independent, intelligent women in their lives. I don’t think little girls should be hyper-sexualized. I don’t think little girls should aspire to be pop stars based on anything other than singing and having fun dancing. At the same time, I don’t think Miley Cyrus or Beyonce or Britney Spears should be put on pedestals as moral standards for young girls who might look up to them. They are their own women. They can embrace their sexuality in whatever way they see fit and no one should have the right to comment on such a thing. They don’t owe anything to anyone simply because they’re in the public eye.
Am I a bad feminist?
I guess at this point, I’ll resolve to feeling satisfied enough in saying that I’m 99% certain that I’m not a shitty human being.
It’s just hard when I feel like I can’t rely on a fellow feminist to have my back as a woman. I feel betrayed. When women who claim to want the best for fellow women attack other women…don’t we already have enough shit to deal with day in and day out? Do we really want to isolate ourselves more? Pretty much everything in the world is hard enough on us already and now we want to be hard on each other.
As the Internet would say, I am not here for that.
[If you want to read a more eloquent piece about this kind of thing with Beyonce, check out this article at The Huffington Post.]
Kait Ketola Has Things to Say 